Rocky Point 2011 Hash Trash
Mamms and I arrived at McDonald's at 8:38. Phew! 8 minutes late and Didya was still there! I hear S&M&M had asked him to get all his farts out before they started and he was waiting for a good one to build and then let loose. It did and we were off. One stop in Why for some of Didya's fart refueling burritos and with greater speed we were almost there.
We arrived at Playa Bonita and were greeted by Royal and Parnufo (?) the waiter, serving pitchers of margaritas. We drank, we swam, we sunned as our old and new friends rolled in. It's the Ménage a Trois hash, baby! Jhavelinas, El Paso, Phoenix...represent! And as so every year the Candy's were there from Sierra Vista/Goat Cheese.
So this is what I remember about the pub crawl.....Phoenix leading us down the beach and up the stairs to Sunset Bar and Spermy's chance at the pole. Gau Gau was next with Mamms' and Blow Bunny's chance at the pole(until someone less qualified wasn't having any of it.) I had a chance at a couple of pork (hehehe I said pork) tacos at the next place...and this is where it gets blurry. One more stop at Cameltoes and a little bit of dancing and I'm out! A walk back to the hotel proved a challenge as my heart wanted to be back at the hotel but the rest of me seemed to be thinking about a swim. The lean was a give away. This End Up had enough of that and hoisted me over her shoulder as Hose Handler had taught her and saw me to my bed.
Next morning we heard stories about the attacks that had occurred. Spermy had been attacked by the sun and it had left its flaming red tattoo everywhere except on his new tattoo. There was the attack of -I don't know where I am -of one of our own who after wandering the streets, found herself in a far away hotel lobby. The story ended well as she fortuitously met a long lost friend who put her in a taxi back to our hotel.
After the night before, an early- in -the -day hash did not seem to be desired....but Jhavelina Hares Away. We went down the road and out that way to a cantina which I will refer to as Senor Noses (the place with the weird brown beer). They kept an eye on us there, as the 6ft tall tequila bottles were about to go missing. Out. Through the alley and over a bit and through the hole in the fence (okay the gate was open, but still) we went. Past the large vessels, a dead fish or two and we harriets were already too distracted by the sexy workmen and their big tools to see the ropes that hung before us. (Who said hung!) Trail took us by the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (were the hares -Royal, Spermy and GFM- trying to tell us something?) Next was a boob check and when a certain harriet wouldn't give it up (er um er) the pack went on without waiting for the stunt boobs to arrive. And on a hill in front of the Dolphin restaurant Hose and 3 other harriers stopped, turned and faced down towards the same harriet who did not give it up at the boob check. Man! Was she disappointed that instead of the anticipated package check it was a lousy song check for 5 and they were just waiting for me-I mean-her to sing.
Next we went roof top hopping. Menstrual Psycho must have thought it was something else the way she sucked on the beer bong that hung from the second floor to the street. Hey btw Harriet Power! I didn't see any wanker dudes try it. 40oz plus coming at her 60 miles an hour. The beer baby that it caused was scandalous as her boy toy Cardboard (something?) was pretty sure he was not the daddy. Next was the blue place where we looked at the clock at rapture time and weren't so sure if we had or had been ruptured or not. Beer, friends, shrimp tacos and a view of the ocean...seems like the hereafter to me! Jesus can't go hashing cause he's hung like this!
And last was the hill. We had to do some talking to get S&M&M up it. We promised her she would see all the penises when she got up there. That didn't work. We promised her she would see all the boobs. She got to stepping then! Margaritas and another beautiful view. Circle was blessed with some fantastic shots. Compliments to the chefs from Phoenix. Poor Candy Man, though. He was stuck in the pool. A few harriers like GFM tried to help him out but somehow ended up wet. "How are you today?!" says pool stuck Candy Man.
And now for a nap and some food. But wait! The evening is still young. It's all very blurry here...we interrupted gay fellas night at one place, At another place harriets Daily Male and Nutcracker will say later "it happens before you know what's happening". Daily Male wrestled her tips away from the extra friendly lady in that place. Mamms met a doctor at another place who turns out was a waiter on our boat the next day. This economy is rough! Later on in the evening, our younger friends from El Paso would go on to survive a cougar attack. The youngster who was newly by Mamms renamed "Bama"fought to keep his virtue. As Mamms would unbutton 2 buttons on his shirt, he would rebutton 3! The next day Hose would wonder why there were condoms strewn about the young men's floor. Well....as I said they survived the cougar attack. It was just Ho2(that's me!) and Mamms making balloons for her birthday the next day. Virtue remained intact(theirs and ours)....darn it! From there it was restless nights sleep for us. I woke up and Mamms was there and asleep...I woke up again and she was gone. I was a bit hurt that someone had come and carried her off to party and left me behind OR it could have been the looting rapture zombies (either way I was hurt!). The next morning still no Mamms when the phone woke me and the voice of zombie Mamms commanded me to unlock the door, she was coming home. I opened the door fearing that she would bust it down if I didn't. She's not quite sure what caused her to rise from her sleep and walk out the door without her key. I have a feeling it was the same thing that kept me from answering the loud knocking at the door that I did not hear: um alcohol. Thank goodness for harriers who think it is perfectly normal for harriets to climb over the first floor balcony and ask them if it's ok to sleep there. And as Mamms would say parted like the Red Sea.
Sunday! I can do it. I can do it. One more day. Hash midday out at JJs by our El Paso friends and then the boat cruise. Most importantly it's Mamms' birthday! I can do it! Out to JJs and ready to go....um...except for the beer. A run back to the hotel for the beer At this time we lose a pouty Spermy to the early departure of his ride home....bye Spermy! We suffer through the long wait for the beer while we drink beer. And now we are ready to go. I don't know about the trail as I was one of three with the golden tickets to beer angel. Um...about that....Mommy Made Me Cum was a trusting soul who lent his vehicle...um...oh...that's right we're not going to tell that story. The beer check was in a pit and when the pack came running in with different clothes than it took off wearing, the joke was on I Might Be Gay (?). He switched shirts with Didya...it was one his older ones too! (2002ish) Cardboard switched with Menstral Psycho and I'm sure his boys were not happy about it as he ended up in her skivvies He did look cute in multicolor polka dots but perhaps a little cramped. On to another beautiful beachy view. The good natured policia who happened to park there got a nice view too as a few of the er um other harriets were generous with their generous gifts.
Ok just a little bit more...just the boat cruise...I can do it...I'm not tired. Half a dramamine and away we go. Entertaining to watch Puffy the Magic Drag Queen from El Paso turn the tables on the vendors on board...yes! on the boat! before we sailed. He was selling the hash giveaway hats for "dos ciquenta! dos ciquenta!" He was quite successful and was able to afford the free beer and dinner at sea. The hats were a hit with the waitresses. Pie Hole survied a bit of sea sickness....Hose and Royal's cigar smoke helped clear that right up! Found out Bama is not a fan of the ocean...apparently there are fish and octopus and creatures in there. I didn't belive him until I saw one of those creatures speed to the top for extra special treat: Red Rocket's marinated chonies which had somehow fallen overboard (I heard there was a mischievous birthday cougar and a Royal involved.) We landed and Hose Handler was so grateful that the boat did not sink because earlier he had picked out his floatation device but then forgot to make sure G-BAR was on board. But other harriets like Cuming around D's Mountains were more than there for us.
I also was glad to be back on land. I made it! I did it! Back to hotel now! What? Max's for food and dancing? But I don't have any money and I'm tired! All I had to do was make it through the boat ride! Grumpy Hos need naps. I heard the next day about a good time at Max's and bonfire later and I'm sorry I missed it...I did discover there was Mexican porn on the TV though....it was as new as if I was using my left hand!
Some random quotes taken from the weekend.
"BAAH Berator!!!" He's gonna hate telling Mamms his name after this weekend.
"Mayams" Baahberator with his not from Tucson accent in response.
"Sometimes I take pictures of you when your sleeping" A quote attributed by Spermy to GFM. If you imagine GFM saying it, you are right Spermy...it is kinda creepy.
"Sometimes I might be disappointed" Mamms when given the offer that she could give all the harriers blowjobs for her birthday.
"Mexican boyfriend? Almost free?" Shilled by...big announcement: my new boyfriend! He started at 30, I countered at 5. We settled at 12 and a bottle of water.....oh wait a minute.....earrings. I bought earrings.
What a fun weekend! Thanks Royal for getting it done. Thanks for everybody who helped out esp. the ladies from Phoenix. Love meeting some new (to me) fun people! And as I always threaten....it's gonna make me hash regular again.
On "grammar can suck it" On